We started arguing over what we would do if our future husbands asked us to give our month's salary to them and gave us allowances instead? This is not an uncommon practice; The husband manages the money of both his wife and himself and gives the wife just enough each month to cover basic expenditure. Of course, if she wants, she could ask for more sometimes for buying that new dress she likes or that piece of jewellery, but she's got to ask. There could be a lot of reasons for this practice. Like when the wife cannot or does not know how to manage the finances (Does not mean she's dumb- I can find my way around a maze but I too am not a genius with money) and the husband handles the finances of the house. Or when money is tight and has to be regulated. Its a totally legit practice, but only when the money is not taken against her will.
But what, Ray asks me, will you do if your hard-earned money is demanded from you? Instinctively I say, no way, its simply not right. Unless there's a reason I can see, there is no way at all I'll let go of my salary and have my own money given to me as pocket money! I can hear myself saying it with such force. But what, Ray asks, will you do if its either give-your-money or get-lost? Then what? Again, I immediately reply, then I will get lost. That's when our argument got hot. My friend thought it was more practical to hand over the money rather than to invite the ire of society and hurt one's family (one's parents, especially), than to walk out on the marriage. I, on the other hand said I preferred to be single again than to live in a marriage with no support and understanding.
As I walked back home, I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation. What's the right move? Does one submit and hand over the money, or does one seek separation, if it comes to that? Right now, while I am single, I cannot think of submitting without a good reason. What I can think of is talking to my hypothetical spouse and coming to an understanding. If that does not work, then yes, I can think about separating. Does that make me divorce trigger-happy? Maybe. But I guess its just not in me to agree to such a thing.
My mother would disapprove. Definitely. My mom has always said that she wants to see me "submissive" in life. She also says she wants to see me "sober". I have never been drunk, so I assume she means "serious".
Who knows, maybe I'll change (I silently think "Heaven forbid!" and cross myself). Maybe I'll be submissive and sober. The submissive and sober me can think about the above presented situation from a different angle, probably.
There was a time when I thought no one, whether friend or foe, would separate me from my beloved two-wheeler, my Scooty. But I let my family sell the vehicle, didn't I? See, stuff happens, people change. The hypothetical decisions I make today, the firm philosophies I espouse now might not all hold tomorrow. There might come a day that I've changed so much that I wouldn't recognise me.
As it is I'm not very comfortable with the dodgy concept of "arranged marriage". When a foreign colleague of mine asked me with genuine perplexity "But how is it that you marry and spend your whole life with a person you don't even know?", I answered with an assuring smile and a confident voice. I blah-blahed about fate and destiny, but all the while I was thinking to myself "Faker!". No, I can't say that I believe in arranged marriages. But hey, they do seem to work- look at our divorce rates.
The reason I got emotional during the argument tonight might have been the fact that I am probably going to marry a person I don't know, and there is a chance of this situation or a similar one being the case for me. I'm not prepared to think about what I would do if such a thing were to happen. So, I say what feels right to me now, to this stubborn, independent, non-submissive, (non-sober?) girl of today. Its not about practicality or principle, its about what you're prepared to live with. Every action has consequences, and it about what consequences you're prepared to face.
Labels: crossroads, give_it_a_thought
